Saturday, September 12, 2015

The worst haircut anyone has ever seen

Of all the craziness from the Patriots 28-21 Opening Night win over the Steelers, the one thing that stood out most to me was Antonio Brown showing off the worst haircut in human history during the pregame show:

While I can appreciate both the Tetris and Lego analogies, what comes to my mind are those magic growing sponge capsules my sisters and I used to love 25 years ago:

Friday, September 11, 2015

Contributing to ESPN Boston's 2015 Celtics Summer Forecast (Part 3)

Once again, I've been asked to contribute to ESPN Boston's Celtics Summer Forecast, in which a panel of bloggers make various predictions about the upcoming season.  Here's the third and final round of questions, with my answers quoted from the site (click on the links for the full articles and other writers' prognostications):

What's the biggest reason for optimism for the season ahead?

(The final 36 games of last year): "I can't stress this enough: Beginning with a victory over the Knicks on Feb. 3, the Celtics finished last season 24-12. Boston had the sixth-best record in the entire NBA in that time, second only to Cleveland in the East. For nearly half of last season, the Celtics weren't just good, they were borderline elite. Is it possible for the 2015-16 C's to maintain that level of success? Consider this: What if they even build on it?"

And the biggest reason for pessimism?

(What if the magic doesn't happen again?): "After their stunning run to end the 2014-15 regular season, it's quite possible the expectations are too high for this year's club. There's no good explanation for how a team devoid of stars was able to play .667 ball over its final 36 games. After a few small offseason improvements, we're counting on the 2015-16 Celtics to win more than they lose. Is that realistic? The talent level still doesn't add up. What if minor changes to the ingredients are all it takes to prevent Stevens from concocting the same magical potion for success?"

What will be the biggest story of training camp?

(Can Perry Jones make the team?): "At the beginning of last season, Jones averaged 22.7 points over a three-game stretch before suffering a knee injury in the Thunder's fifth contest of the season. By the time he was healthy, Kevin Durant and Russell Westbrook were back in the lineup and Jones' window of opportunity was gone. The way things stand, Jones appears likely to be cut before opening night when the C's must trim their roster to 15 players. But if he shows flashes of his potential in camp, could Jones elicit a trade of some sort to clear room for him?"

Will Danny Ainge make a big mid-season trade in 2015-16?

(No): "There are three reasons why I don't envision a major trade mid-season: First, I expect the Celtics to be pretty good, with team chemistry being a significant factor. Ainge won't be afraid to break it up to play for the future, but he won't be intent on doing so either. Which leads to my second point: The Celtics appear to be putting all of their eggs in the tons-of-cap-room-next-summer basket. Boston is only committed to five players beyond this season and Ainge will want to hang on to that flexibility. Finally, big in-season trades just don't happen that often."

Thursday, September 10, 2015

Where did this Joe Kelly win streak come from?

Through Joe Kelly's first 16 starts this year, he won two games.  He finished the month of July with a 2-6 record.  Since then, he has eight wins in eight starts to improve to 10-6.

The thing is, Pedro Martinez was Pedro Martinez, and Joe Kelly is Joe Kelly.  Yet somehow Kelly is the only starter in baseball this year to win eight consecutive decisions.  I can't remember ever seeing such a bizarre and unexpected pitching streak before--80 percent of Kelly's victories in 2015 have come in the last third of his season.

Wednesday, September 9, 2015

Awesome Old Video Game of the Week: "Caveman Games" for NES

First things' first--I'd already decided to write about Caveman Games before coming to this startling realization: Somehow it had completely slipped my mind that one of its characters was named Gronk.  And not only that, but Gronk dominated the game.  He was easily the best athlete of all the cavemen.  How perfect is that?  Amazing.  Now I'm even more pumped about this blog that I already was.

My best friend and I used to battle each other at Caveman Games in middle school 25 years ago.  As far as original Nintendo games go, it was actually pretty terrible.  But, it made us laugh and it was fun to play head-to-head.

Amid Dino Vault (pole vaulting over a dinosaur), Clubbing (pictured), Dino Race (riding a dinosaur), Fire Start (self explanatory) and Saber Race (trying to outrun a tiger), the most absurd event was Mate Toss:

You always knew that if you spun fast enough and let go at the right angle to get her halfway off the top of the screen, she'd do the funky chicken after she landed.  My favorite part was how it said 93 "foots" instead of "feet"--that still gets me.

What got me started on all this?  I recently discovered a real-life sport known as Finnish Wife Carrying after seeing some odds posted on it, and immediately Caveman Games came to mind.

Here's a link to play Caveman Games online (although it takes a long time to load).

Tuesday, September 8, 2015

Report: The Patriots kicked your dog, may soon spit on your baby too

In case you didn't have time to read the unbearably long articles published by both ESPN and Sports Illustrated on the Patriots today, here's the short version:

Sometime in the last 15 years, Tom Brady or Bill Belichick likely came to your house and kicked your small puppy dog in the head.

"Yeah, I freaking hate puppies," said a surprisingly candid Brady.  "They're the worst.  Ever since I've been in the NFL, I've devoted my offseasons to travelling the country and going door to door in an attempt to assault as many of those ugly little things as possible."

Belichick also spoke on the matter.  "You know, I told Tom that we should be spitting in the faces of newborn babies as well, but he said that would just take away from the amount of time we could spend going after puppies," added the New England head coach.  "So, we haven't actually done that yet, but if one of us decides to spit on your baby in the near future, don't be surprised."

Monday, September 7, 2015

Don't worry NFL, we already know Tom Brady is a lock for Super Bowl 50

This now-deleted tweet (without Tom Brady pictured) from the NFL's account has created a lot of hubbub on the internet:

The funny thing is, when the NFL first released a similar image for Super Bowl 50, Brady was the lone active player included in the graphic depicting some of the league's all-time great quarterbacks:

Here's the unrelated-to-Deflategate reason why Brady and the Patriots are a lock to be in San Francisco on February 7.

Sunday, September 6, 2015

Would you bring your kids here?

I've driven by the Cape Cod Children's Museum around 20-25 times in the last few years.  Granted summer weekends may not be the busy season for that sort of thing, but never once have I seen a car parked there.  Not one.

I'm guessing the fact that it looks like one of the most depressing places imaginable probably isn't good for business.

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