Saturday, June 22, 2013

Why do iphones have weak ass glass screens?

I am constantly amazed by the number of people I see walking around using iphones with cracked screens.  If I had to guess, I'd estimated that roughly 20-30% of all iphone's currently in use are at least slightly broken.  And while I'm impressed that they are still able to function just fine with giant gashes across them, what is the point?

I don't drop my droid phone that often, but when I do the screen doesn't shatter; because it's made of plastic.  As far as I know my tough plastic screen is still perfectly capable, and just as functional as it's flimsy and brittle glass competition.  So what am I missing here?  Why doesn't Apple just make the switch?  That and eliminate the stupid automatic "reply all" setting that causes me to get tons of irrelevant messages from numbers I don't know all day long whenever a friend of mine with an iphone sends out a group text.

Also I realize this title is kind of pushing my boundaries for vulgarity/professionalism, but I had to do it because I think it adds about 50% of this post's entertainment value.


Friday, June 21, 2013

My stab at impersonating a sports headline from "The Onion"

Since the "Ray Allen saving LeBron's career" nightmare came true last night, today was one of those "try to avoid sports and focus on the other stuff i care about" (see above) type of days.  Unfortunately I had to work the lunch shift at my bar this morning, where I don't really have much choice other than to watch various ESPN channels for 6 straight hours (luckily with no volume).  After seeing the same name and face plastered on the screen all day, I felt inspired to send out this tweet when I got home:

If you're not somebody who watches the "worldwide leader" regularly, this probably isn't that funny and I apologize.  But hopefully it makes up for it by being particularly amusing to the people who are.


Thursday, June 20, 2013

Why would anybody want this "toy" designed for taunting your cat?

The other night I saw this informercial on TV:

I don't get it.  I thought people were supposed to love their pets?  Everything about this thing just
seems mean.  After watching for two seconds I already feel bad for the cat.  It kind of reminds me of the mechanical rabbit they use at dog tracks in order to get them to race.  Unless you want to sadistically make fun of your cat for continuously chasing after the fake mouse to no avail, what's the point?

Also, while watching this I was absolutely certain the price was going to be $19.99, and that if I called now I'd get a second one free (I'm really at a loss as to why someone might want two of these).  It reminded me of an old episode of The Cosby Show; Cliff is sitting in front of the TV late one night and yelling at an ad for something like a "wonder mop," knowing it's going to cost "only 19.95."  Unfortunately I could't find the clip on youtube.

Related: "Forever Lazy" is out of their mind with their marketing.


Wednesday, June 19, 2013

Most aggravating headline I've ever written: "Did Ray Allen save LeBron's career?"

The San Antonio Spurs had the NBA title won.  With 28 seconds remaining they were up by 4, with the ball.  All they needed to do was make their free throws, or get a rebound.

[Quick sidebar: I'm not blaming Manu Ginobli and Kawhi Leonard for the missed foul shots.  They combined to go 4-6 in the final 30 seconds.  While 67% isn't great, it's certainly not a "choke" either.  6-6 would've been extremely clutch, and 5-6 (83%) would have still been above average.  I'm blaming coach Popovich for taking Tim Duncan (17 rebounds) out of the game, which allowed the Heat four chances at making their two late 3 pointers.]

LeBron's career NBA Finals record was going to drop to 1-3.  All of the questions regarding his greatness that arose two years ago (when his pathetic championship round performance against Dallas made him look like the 4th best player on his own team) were likely going to resurface.

But instead Ray Allen drained that corner three with 5 seconds left to send the game to overtime.  The shot put Miami back on course for a second consecutive title, and (for the moment) kept LeBron's career path in line to eventually rival Jordan's as the best ever.  It was the same Ray Allen who just over a year ago was fighting tooth and nail to stop LeBron from winning his first championship (and coming oh so close).  That's not how sports is supposed to work, and the possibility that Ray may have forever changed LeBron's place in league history is a rather nauseating thought.


Tuesday, June 18, 2013

Can a pair of LeBron shoes help San Antonio win the title?

Some pictures have just surfaced on the internet of a pair of "Nike LeBron X Low" basketball shoes.  What's interesting is the inscription on the insole of each shoe:

The shoes claim this year's Finals are already over, and the Heat/LeBron are champions.  A few major hoops blogs have already shared this story.  Yahoo Ball Don't Lie, CBS Sports Eye on Basketball, and Celtics Life who I write for.  I'm hoping by the time 6 pm eastern rolls around Sportscenter may decide it's worth mentioning; and really hoping these pictures end up in the Spurs locker room before tip off tonight.  Maybe it'll be just that extra bit of motivation they need.

Despite being down 3-2, I still think Miami wins this series.  The Heat have played extremely well with their backs against the wall this postseason.  In 6 games following a loss, they've won every time by an average of 20.67 points, and by double digits on each occasion.   But, Miami has also alternated wins and losses for 12 consecutive games now (dating back to the start of the Indiana series), and if that keeps going the Spurs will win in 7.

If somehow that happens, I'm going to have to credit Mars Blackmon for saying "It's gotta be the shoes!"


Monday, June 17, 2013

Danny Ainge should take his time before letting Doc Rivers go

The L.A. Clippers want Doc Rivers to be their coach.  They also want Kevin Garnett.  They're hoping that the combination of these two will convince superstar point guard Chris Paul to re-sign with them.  L.A. appears willing to give the Celtics center DeAndre Jordan in order to make this happen, but not guard Eric Bledsoe as well.  Danny Ainge wants Bledsoe too.  That seems to be where we are at for the moment in this Doc Rivers saga.

But here's the thing: The Celtics have Doc under contract for 3 more years.  I don't understand what the urgency is for Boston to make a deal.  If the Clippers are unwilling to offer exactly what Ainge wants, he should just walk away and say "sorry, I'm keeping my coach."  Maybe L.A. would up their offer.  Great.  Maybe Doc, Garnett, and Paul Pierce all come back for year 7 of the 3 year plan.  Fine.  Maybe Doc decides to step down and take a year off, or return to broadcasting; Boston can still get something for him if someone wants his services down the line.  Maybe Garnett retires, or accepts a trade somewhere else.  Boston can also deal Paul Pierce to another team as well.

My point is this: If Rivers, Garnett, and Pierce are no longer going to be around next year, what's the rush to get something done on someone else's terms?  The Clippers are the team looking to make a few tweaks to their roster in order to contend, while the Celtics would be undergoing a major overhaul.  There are all kinds of possibilities for Boston if they decide to make wholesale changes, so why do anything in haste before exploring other options?


Sunday, June 16, 2013

Awesome Old Song of the Week (Father's Day Edition): "Father Figure" by George Michael

I realize that this song has absolutely nothing to do with this holiday, dads in general, or even any sort of parenting whatsoever.  But it's got the word "father" in the title, so that's going to have to do.  There aren't really a whole lot of good options out there.  I'm not much of a fan of Madonna's Papa Don't Preach (that would be more of an anti-Father's Day song anyway), the lyrics to Harry Chapin's Cats in the Cradle depress me (even the Ugly Kid Joe version), and The Notorious B.I.G.'s Big Poppa just felt like too much of a stretch.  So from 1988, here's George Michael's Father Figure:


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