Saturday, October 1, 2016

Is Arnold Schwarzenegger making fun of himself with this "missile poisoning" line? I can't even tell...

Watch this Mobile Strike (a cell phone game) commercial with Arnold Schwarzenegger:

"Target now out of sight" is a perfectly cheesy Arnold-esque line, that one I get.  But "Call the doctor, looks like you have missile poisoning"?  What does that even mean?  Obviously it's trying to be bad on purpose, but it's so bad that that doesn't work.  It's not funny in parody-of-itself Sharknado kind of way, it's just confusing.  Although, the fact that it prompted me to write a blog probably means it accomplished its goal.  That's a real mind-eff right there...

Friday, September 30, 2016

Red Sox reliever Robbie Ross Jr. starred in Entourage movie as kid who used to see dead people?

Everybody remembers Haley Joel Osment from his role in the 1999 film The Sixth Sense:

Not as well known, however, is the fact that he played a major role in 2015's Entourage movie:

Osment's character in Entourage is basically the identical twin of Red Sox pitcher Robbie Ross Jr.:

Thursday, September 29, 2016

Koji Uehara tries to 'save' as much champagne as possible, NESN flouts the FCC

Putting aside the fact that the Red Sox likely blew their chance at home-field advantage throughout the postseason last night (their surprising loss, combined with the Rangers' comeback win puts Boston 1.5 games back in the race for the AL's best record with four to play--and Texas owns the tiebreaker, so the Sox would have to go 4-0 or 3-1 and hope the Rangers finish 1-2 or 0-3), the division-clinching celebration in the locker room was quality entertainment.

My two highlights:

1. NESN's complete disregard for standard FCC regulations regarding profanity.  Here's a very small sample:

2. Koji Uehara's unwillingness to let any partially filled champagne bottles end up in the trash (or recycle bin), despite also dumping exorbitant amounts of bubbly all over his teammates:

Wednesday, September 28, 2016

Would you partake in a yoga class on surfboards?

Obviously I realize that those are giant paddle boards pictured, and if you know what you're doing the chances of falling off of one are pretty slim.  Still, this just seems like a bad idea.  Yoga is supposed to be relaxing, right?  Attempting to balance on a surfboard in Boston Harbor sounds fairly stressful to me.  I get the feeling all of these people are trying to act all calm and collected, but really they're nervous as hell.

Tuesday, September 27, 2016

Leadoff home runs rarely make you cry

I don't even know how the Marlins took the field last night a day after the tragic death of Jose Fernandez, but they did.  Dee Gordon, who's been playing Major League Baseball since 2011, stepped into the batters' box leading off the first inning for Miami with a grand total of eight career home runs (none this year).

This was his ninth:

Monday, September 26, 2016

Boston Celtics 2016-17 Season Preview (all you need to know in just over 37 seconds)

Boston Celtics
Last Year's Record: 48-34 (tied for 3-6 in East)
Key Losses: Evan Turner, Jared Sullinger
Key Additions: Al Horford, Jaylen Brown, Gerald Green

1. What significant moves were made during the offseason?

Boston pulled off its biggest free-agency splash in team history, inking four-time All-Star Al Horford to a four-year max contract.  The C's also selected 19-year-old forward Jaylen Brown with the No. 3 pick in the draft.  Evan Turner and Jared Sullinger signed in Portland and Toronto, respectively, but the Celtics did pick up second-year options on Amir Johnson and Jonas Jerebko, while also re-signing Tyler Zeller.  In addition, Boston brought back veteran shooting guard Gerald Green on a one-year minimum deal.

2. What are the team's biggest strengths?

If you've been listening to Brad Stevens this offseason, it's evident that he's quite pleased with the ability of his players to "fly around."  Stevens has used that expression on multiple occasions when discussing the outlook of his 2016-17 squad.  Along those lines, defense and lineup versatility will be how this club wins games.  Consider the likely second five of Terry Rozier, Marcus Smart, Brown, Jerebko and Kelly Olynyk--Smart and Brown can play in the post with Kelly and Jonas drawing opponents' big men out to the three-point line.  The defense-first small-ball options available to Stevens are also quite intriguing.  Imagine Rozier, Avery Bradley, Smart, Brown and Jae Crowder on the floor together?

3. What is the team's biggest weakness?

When Isaiah Thomas and Horford are out of the game, scoring will be a problem.  Boston's bench will miss Turner's ability to get to the rim and create his own shots.  However, rebounding is the bigger issue.  The Celtics finished 19th in the NBA in rebound percentage last season and their best guy on the boards (Sullinger, 8.3 per game in 23.6 minutes) is now a Raptor.  While he is an elite center, attacking the glass is not Horford's strength.  He averaged only 7.3 rebounds in 32.1 minutes a night for the Hawks in 2015-16.

4. What are the goals for this team?

On the court, anything short of the No. 2 seed in the East and a Conference Finals berth will have to be considered a disappointment.  But, as far as the big picture goes, the C's just want to remain on track to take one more step forward next summer.  Thomas and Bradley will be free agents in 2018, so the window with this group could be closing.  Ideally the final piece of the puzzle will be added in 2017 to turn the current club into a legitimate title contender.

5. Prediction

Vegas set the Celtics' early over/under for wins at 51.5 and most Boston fans are likely expecting a total in the low-to-mid 50s.  I'm not convinced the C's are in line for another big improvement in 2016-17.  My guess for a regular-season record?  49-33.  Since the day Stevens joined the Celtics, he's been a master at doing the most with limited means.  However, for the first time his team has real talent and serious expectations.  The rest of the league is on to him.  Boston isn't going to take anybody by surprise anymore.  It's easy to go from bad to good, but from good to great is a much taller task.

Sunday, September 25, 2016

Awesome Strikeout Records of the Week: 1986 Roger Clemens, and the Red Sox on Sunday

On April 29, 1986, Roger Clemens struck out 20 Seattle Mariners, the most ever in a nine-inning game (a record tied by Clemens again in 1996, by Kerry Wood in 1998, and by Max Scherzer this year):

Sunday, Eduardo Rodriguez (13), Heath Hembree (5), Matt Barnes (1) and Joe Kelly (2) struck out a combined 21 batters through nine innings, something no MLB team had ever done before.  Kelly punched out two more Rays in the 10th, giving the Red Sox a major league record 23 Ks for a 10-inning contest.  Boston also struck out 11 consecutive hitters spanning the fourth through seventh innings, another all-time record.

The Sox's 11th straight victory (which tied them with Texas for the best record in the American League) came in large part due to the most bizarre play at the plate that anyone has ever seen:

I think Dustin Pedroia was out (he was tagged by the glove before the ball came loose on the second contact with his leg), but I'm not complaining.  Neither was Mookie Betts, who did the Macarena postgame:

Can this video from the 1996 DNC actually be real? (Awesome Old Song of the Week: "Macarena")

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