Saturday, July 13, 2013

If you're meeting a blind date in a bar, probably don't order lemonade

For whatever reason, the bar I work in is a very popular spot for blind dates.  The other night a guy came in by himself, and ordered a glass of water while he was waiting; pretty standard protocol for when you're not sure of the situation.  I gave him a beer/wine/cocktail list to look over, which he handed to his date when she arrived a few minutes later.  After allowing them a little time to chat, I walked over and asked what they would like to drink.  She said "I'll have a lemonade please."

The stunned look of confusion on the guy's face at that moment was priceless (much like in the above picture).  After hesitating for a second, he uncomfortably ordered a beer.  About twenty minutes later she'd finished her lemonade, and his beer was empty.  When I asked if I could get them anything else, she said that she was fine, so then he did too.  They sat there talking with empty glasses in front of them for probably another half an hour before leaving.

The funny thing is they seemed to really enjoy each other.  It's not as if she showed up, didn't like the looks of him, called an audible, and ordered a non-alcoholic beverage in order to shorten the date.  She clearly had no intentions of drinking from the beginning, and he felt strange getting more than one beer because of this.  So here's what I don't understand: Why did this date happen at a bar?  Why not meet at a coffee shop, go for a walk, grab an ice cream, or even get a table and order something to eat in the very same restaurant; just don't sit at the bar.  I'd think one of the first things they teach you in Blind Date 101 would be "don't make your date feel super awkward by going to a bar and not having a drink."


Friday, July 12, 2013

The Sharknado phenomenon

I got home from work last night and turned on my computer at about 11 pm to find my twitter feed dominated by the word "Sharknado."  In fact "dominated" doesn't even really do it justice; it was the only thing people were talking about, almost like we got Bin Laden all over again.  I was shocked and confused to discover that the thing taking over the internet was a made for TV movie on the Syfy network.  I couldn't tell you the last time (if ever) that I even watched something on the Syfy network.  How was this possible?  I checked my cable guide, saw that it was going to be rerun from 1-3 am, and knew there was no chance I wasn't watching.

The combination of Tara Reid, Steve Sanders, and the dad from Home Alone as a drunk defending Los Angeles from sharks with his mighty bar stool is apparently must watch TV.  That and the fact that Sharknado is a comedy masquerading as a horror movie.  It's so intentionally fake and terrible that it's basically a parody of itself, which makes it funny.

While watching Sharknado you can't focus on stuff like it's the storm of the century with catastrophic flooding and hundreds of sharks flying around in the air eating people; yet it's also simultaneously perfectly dry and sunny and you can still get pulled over for speeding or walk into a liquor store and buy some bananas.

Dad, I'm going to pilot that helicopter into the tornado and drop these bombs on the flying sharks, and you can't stop me.  "Nobody's taught me to help others."  - Sharknado


Thursday, July 11, 2013

Is Andrew Bynum a sneaky basketball-hating genius?

The Cleveland Cavaliers have apparently signed free agent center Andrew Bynum to a 2 year contract worth up to $24 million, with $6 million guaranteed.  Bynum didn't play basketball last year.  Philadelphia made a blockbuster trade to acquire him last offseason, and at the time he was reportedly recovering from a minor knee injury.  Then when it appeared he was almost ready to return, Bynum allegedly re-aggravated the injury while bowling.

He sat out the entire season watching his Sixers struggle.  In late February he came back and practiced for a single day, at which point Bynum's coach said he was out of shape and an obstruction to the rest of the team.  He never took the court again.

Back when the bowling incident happened, it was reported that a former teammate had this to say about him:
"I do know that I’ve never met another player in the league who likes basketball less.
It's unclear whether or not Bynum is "healthy" enough to play right now.  He made $16.9 million last year.  He can still earn another $6 mil from the Cavaliers without ever even suiting up for another game.  If he decided a year ago that he hated basketball so much he didn't want to do it anymore, it's a pretty diabolical and impressive plan he's put together for continuing to get paid.


Wednesday, July 10, 2013

Mallrats, flavored scotch, and How I Met Your Mother

Today's blog has a few different themes to it, and they all relate to this Dewar's commercial staring Claire Forlani:

One, I've always liked Claire Forlani ever since she stared in Mallrats, which was easily my favorite movie my freshman year of college.  I thought this game show scene was pretty much the funniest thing ever (it's definitely not PG rated):

So while I commend Dewars on their choice of actresses, I think the product they are pushing is completely absurd.  Honey flavored scotch?  Are you kidding me?  The point of scotch is that it's aged to develop it's own unique flavor.  It's for grandparents, not teenyboppers.  I honestly think I'm being extremely generous with the size of the overlapping area in the picture below:

When I first learned of this abomination from Dewar's I was immediately reminded of this great scene from How I Met Your Mother (it's worth it, I promise):

Tuesday, July 9, 2013

Celtics summer league analysis: Olynyk good, Melo bad

I was not very pleased when the Celtics chose Kelly Olynyk with the 13th pick in the draft last month, especially considering they traded up to get him.  But I have to admit I never actually saw him play before, and through three games at the Orlando Pro Summer League I am very impressed.

First off I want to say that it's important not to read too much into exhibition games made up primarily of guys who will never even play in the NBA.  But it's definitely better competition than college, and the skills that Olynyk has displayed have taken me by surprise.  He plays like a small forward, but he happens to be 7 feet tall.  He hits three pointers.  He can dribble a little bit.  The easy comparison to make is that he looks like Dirk Nowitzki (I'm not saying he is like Dirk) with his post moves and one legged fallaway jumpers.

So far Olynyk is averaging 19.7 points, 7.3 rebounds, and 3 assists while shooting 56% (and 43% on three pointers).  Also, these games are only 40 minutes long, so those numbers project to 23.7, 8.8, and 3.6 over a full length NBA contest.  Yes, it's a very small and mostly insignificant sample, but the results are still encouraging.

On the other hand, last year's first round pick Fab Melo looks terrible, as if he doesn't even really understand basketball.  I almost think he's regressed as a player since Boston drafted him.  His minutes per game have fallen from 28 to 19 to 16, and today he didn't even start.  Melo is averaging just 6.3 points and 4 rebounds, and at this point it's hard to envision him ever becoming an effective NBA player.


Monday, July 8, 2013

Well this is unusual

I just got back to Boston after almost a week away on Cape Cod and the Vineyard.  While walking through Downtown Crossing this evening I noticed that the place where Filene's Basement used to be is now only empty space; but somehow the rest of the building on top of it is still there.  I never realized it was possible to remove the bottom floor of a building without everything above it falling down.

This picture doesn't really do it justice (the whole thing reminded me of some crazy giant sized game of Jenga), but it's the best I could do while holding my cell phone up over the chain link fence surrounding the area.  It's a bizarre feeling to look straight through a building and see the store signs a block away on the other side.

And like I said, I've been on vacation for the last six days, so I realize my content has been a little sub par of late.


Sunday, July 7, 2013

Awesome Old Song of the Week: "Hypnotize" by The Notorious B.I.G.

I was a little blown away just now when I realized that "Biggie" has been dead for more than 16 years.  I never really think of "Hypnotize" as an old song, but it was released as a single in December of 1996, three months before his murder.

For some reason the lyric "your daughter's tied up in a Brooklyn basement" always makes me laugh, I have no idea why.  And I know I'm doing a bit of a disservice to The Notorious B.I.G. by saying this, but whenever I hear "Hypnotize" I'm reminded of this scene from the movie 10 Things I Hate About You (a totally underrated cheesy teen comedy from 1999):

I'd also completely forgotten how spectacular the music video is:


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