Tuesday, September 8, 2015

Report: The Patriots kicked your dog, may soon spit on your baby too

In case you didn't have time to read the unbearably long articles published by both ESPN and Sports Illustrated on the Patriots today, here's the short version:

Sometime in the last 15 years, Tom Brady or Bill Belichick likely came to your house and kicked your small puppy dog in the head.

"Yeah, I freaking hate puppies," said a surprisingly candid Brady.  "They're the worst.  Ever since I've been in the NFL, I've devoted my offseasons to travelling the country and going door to door in an attempt to assault as many of those ugly little things as possible."

Belichick also spoke on the matter.  "You know, I told Tom that we should be spitting in the faces of newborn babies as well, but he said that would just take away from the amount of time we could spend going after puppies," added the New England head coach.  "So, we haven't actually done that yet, but if one of us decides to spit on your baby in the near future, don't be surprised."

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