Saturday, May 7, 2016

Bartolo Colon's body has obviously been inhabited by a space alien

One of the very first blogs I ever wrote on this site, from March 5, 2011, was titled Bartolo Colon might not be dead?  I posed that question because he was pitching well in spring training for the Yankees that year, despite being totally washed up with the Red Sox in 2008 and out of baseball completely by 2010.

That was more than five years ago.  Colon was just shy of 38 years old at the time.

Tonight, he hit a home run.

The borderline-ancient pitcher will turn 43 on May 24.

When Colon was suddenly not over-the-hill back in 2011, I speculated he was probably on steroids.  In 2012, he was suspended for steroids (specifically illegal testosterone use).  Colon came back in 2013 and was miraculously good again (at age 40), yet somehow nobody seemed to question it.  Last season he started for the Mets on Opening Day, and the only rational conclusion I could come to was that he must know something the rest of the word doesn't.

Now Colon is hitting balls out of the ballpark, and my "it's some new super-secret steroid" theory still isn't catching on.  I give up.  "Inhabited by space alien" it is.

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