Tuesday, August 16, 2011

umbrellas are selfish and inconsiderate

I've never been one to use an umbrella.  I think they're big and awkward and annoying to carry.  Not to mention the fact that people always lose them; every time it rains I find one or two of them left at my bar at the end of the night.  Personally I'd much rather wear a hat, or a jacket with a hood, or just get a little wet.  I mean it's only water right, what's the big deal?

When I moved to New York City several years ago, my casual dislike for umbrellas turned into a full on hatred.  Walking down a crowded street in a sea of umbrellas is flat out dangerous for a tall person like myself.  Hundreds of people carrying around long pointy wires above their heads right at my eye level, often with no regard for their surroundings:

Yesterday I had to simultaneously duck, and jump to the side, in order to avoid the umbrellas of two people paying no attention while walking towards me on the sidewalk.  Cities should ban large umbrellas that double as lethal weapons, and, for people who are deathly afraid of a little rain, suggest ones like this as an alternative:

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